Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
