This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
