I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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