This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
