I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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