I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
