Can i not drive my cunt home
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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