I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
