Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
