k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Is it because I queefed?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
