I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize