I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
