Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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