I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
i now understand why vodka
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
