i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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