thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
