I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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