some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
