I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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