Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
