I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
