I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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