Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
