Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
