Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize