This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
