Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
