honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
