you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
