it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
