I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
