So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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