Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
