come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
