and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
