just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
