Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize