She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
