Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
