I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
