Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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