Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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