Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
