Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
