I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
