i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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