i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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