Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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