The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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