i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
