you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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