A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize