He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I want to fling myself into the sun
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
