I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
