I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
