Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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