I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
