so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
