i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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