that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
