just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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