nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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