i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
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